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How can I save my marriage?

• What do I do if my husband or wife is having an affair?
• How can I know if my husband or wife is having an affair?
• Can my marriage be saved after adultery?
• Where can I find help to strengthen my marriage?
• How do I know if someone is right for me?

If your marriage is in crisis, or if you are engaged to be married soon, getting the right help fast can make all the difference in the world.

For those experiencing marriage difficulties

For those experiencing marriage difficulties, the first three Featured Links on the right can help you obtain downloadable e-books from experts in helping marriages in trouble. These can help you avoid making many of the common mistakes people make.

For those whose marriage crisis involves infidelity

If you suspect your marriage crisis involves adultery, this is where many people panic and make mistakes that can quickly put the nail in the coffin of the marriage.

• One of those errors is to beg, plead, blame oneself for the other person's unfaithfulness, and try to compete with the paramour.
• An opposite mistake would be to attack your spouse and not their behavior.

A Better Confrontation or Intervention

You may want to say something like, "I am so disappointed you let yourself fall into this affair. This might be expected from some unfaithful, narcissistic jerk, but not you." And, it's perfectly right to be angry.

You might then bring up the consequences. "Did you ever think of what this will do to our children or to the family? You have a family that loves you and you're doing this. Are you sure this is the path you want to take in life?"

Even if you make terrible mistakes and your marriage ends because of your spouse's unfaithfulness, understand clearly you are not to blame. Your spouse did not go into an affair because you were inattentive or failed to comply with your spouse's needs or wishes. Your spouse made vows to you and to God and your family and put his honor on the line.

Rough Ride Ahead

At the same time, your government has a duty to honor the vows and protect your family's right to live together in love and peace without loss of family assets. The problem is, with our current no-fault divorce laws, few if any politicians, lawyers, or judges have the honor and integrity to protect the faithful and their children. So, if you cannot save your marriage, your family may be in for a very rough ride, and you should expect to face severe losses and grave injustices.

When a marriage survives an affair, it will take time to work through issues of broken trust and to heal, to determine what spurned on the affair and what led to it. And, there are different types of affairs from the one night stand to the entrenched affair and the sexual addiction.

Resources to Help Handle the Affair

"Break Free From the Affair" can help, and "Anatomy of an Affair" can give a more rigorous understanding of the nature of affairs and how best to weather the storm if the marriage is ending.

For Those Engaged or Considering Marriage

If you are engaged, or know someone you care about who is considering marriage, I would strongly recommend the Featured link on the right, "1,000 Questions for Couples". The questions are fun, and it helps couples get to know each other and deal with issues that could make or break a marriage. It can also prevent bad marriages from happening, but the greatest benefit is that you'll have fun and avoid many unpleasant surprises. You'll be ready to have a great marriage.

My wife and I used it before we even went into premarital counseling with our pastor. Not only was it fun, but it helped us get to know each other better and set expectations heading off any unpleasant surprises. And our marriage has been awesome!

More areas of interest for saving marriages from divorce!

• Prayer - Effective Christian Prayer Strategy
• Resources - Effective Marriage Survival and Strengthening Resources
• Political - Political Action to Save Marriages
• Education - Become a Marriage Educator/Trainer
• Forums - Discussions

Take care and God bless you,
Dan and Eileen Dick

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